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Practising with a precious life inside me

It's been 30 weeks since I got pregnant. I say 30 weeks but this is a mere number. Having a baby took us tremendous time, effort, anticipation, frustration, and all kind of emotional ups and downs that I can't really describe in words.

This is our 'miracle' baby who came to us after 7 years, 3 countries, 11 transfers and 3 miscarriages. I don’t think I was ever committed to achieve something for so long and so hard. For the last 7 years, my life has been evolving around IVF treatment and many times I didn’t feel I owned my body and soul. The expression I often used to describe myself was ‘a pig in an experimental room’. To me going through this was a true yoga practice. Trying to grasp the meaning of letting go and not expecting the fruit of my actions. How can you not expect to have a baby after going through countless and such invasive procedures with so much physical and mental pain. It was a real dilemma and was tremendously frustrating every time it failed. But somehow I was quickly up again and was ready to try for another round. I was becoming very resilient and was actually getting used to failing. As time went by, I didn’t have my hopes high up. This journey taught me to just go on whether the faith was clear or faded along the way. And this mindset was slowly being applied to my asana practice and to other life challenges. Even at the week 30, I am still very cautious and am afraid of possible adversities but at the same time I feel forever grateful that this new life has finally come to us and I trust our baby with all my heart.

Below are some photos of the baby and me practising together with our handsome cat boy Kumi.

Our baby likes to use both hands. Whenever we go for a scan, his arms/handsare always near his head.

* A note on my practice while being pregnant:

Because this was a very long-waited pregnancy after 3 miscarriages, I was and still am super cautious of my practice. I began my Mysore practice at the week of 16 while I was in London. My practice was only primary with modifications. As belly grows my practice has been changing accordingly. I remembered the tips from Lynne, my great teacher in Brussels and I was also given some extra tips from Louise and Hamish at AYL. I felt so grateful and lucky to have had these wonderful teachers who could guide me during the pregnancy. I left London at the week 23 and until then I kept my practice pretty much the same. I just excluded twists from Marichyasana C & D and rolling up actions. I had wider stance in standing asanas, and had a very short closing asanas. To my surprise I was still able to do Supta Kurmasana with a bigger belly. After moving to Beijing, I didn't really practise in the beginning and resumed it from the week 26. From week 26 to 30, my practice changed a lot. I no longer bend forward and avoid all the deep folding forward actions. Today (at 30w4d), for the first time I just excluded many closing asanas. I just kept my two legs up (instead of full Sarvangasana) for 5 breaths and went straight to Matsyasana. I just can't afford to feel stuffiness in my chest. Here in Beijing, I am lucky again to have met two wonderful Ashtanga teachers, who are happened to be also Korean!. Anyways with their extra input into my practice, I am enjoying my pregnancy and my able body to do asana practice. If I think of something more on Ashtanga practice while pregnant, I will share more.


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